Sunday, March 6, 2011
I'm My Own Worst Enemy!
Yesterday I woke up sobbing from a nightmare that left me terrorized and an emotional wreck. It was a pretty good dream but for that one gut wrenching scene and I was left wondering whether it was a gift from the Story Gods that I should write it all down. I couldn't get around how I felt waking up and it didn't take long for my muse to speak up: "Belinda, why don't you write that scene. Capture the emotions and if the moment presents itself, write an empowering ending."
Perfect, I thought as my mind started racing and the scene reformed. The words were already flowing, all I needed to do was put them on my laptop and I'd be good to go. *chuckles* Oh that it could be that simple. The minute I opened up the document and started to type - I kid you not - I was bombarded with self doubt. "Who do you think you are to write?" "Oh that sentence you just did sounded stupid" "People aren't going to want to read this" To add to the insult, I started to see everything I wrote in startling red as future edits called for me to delete and redo.
It drives me nuts that I do this to myself. I'm a good writer and there's no need for me to think like this. It's like I hit this wall in my mind and I spend the rest of the time banging against it, trying to move past it. Sometimes I can and it's pure magic. But sometimes, like yesterday, I just can't seem to do it and I end up discouraged.
What I need is a boost of confidence and something big and hard to beat the self doubt over the head with. I love writing. I love the rush that comes when a story unfolds and characters take over and you're left with the tingles because you've created something amazing. So much time is wasted for me. I have stories unfinished that call to me, begging for me to complete them. *sigh* I just need to find away to break down that wall and silence the voices. I have great stories inside me. I just need to give them a voice and set the free.
Does anyone else feel and experienced the same? Overcome it? Have advice? Please me and my muse are desperate!